DBT Interpersonal Skills for Managing Emotional Reactions After Trauma

By Madison Flores, LPC and LCPC in Alaska and Nevada

When you’ve experienced trauma, relationships can feel complicated. It’s common to react strongly to conflict, criticism, or even small misunderstandings. These moments can trigger old feelings of fear, shame, or anger — making it hard to communicate clearly or feel safe connecting with others.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers practical skills to help manage these emotional reactions and build more stable, healthy relationships.

1. Pause and Check the Facts

Trauma can make your brain quick to sense danger, even in safe situations. When emotions rise, take a moment to check the facts:

• What actually happened?

• Is there another possible explanation?

• Am I reacting to the present or to a past experience? This skill helps you respond to what’s real — not what your nervous system remembers.

2. Use “DEAR MAN” to Communicate Clearly - Interpersonal Skills

DEAR MAN is a DBT acronym for: Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce — Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate. It’s a structured way to ask for what you need without aggression or withdrawal. Practicing DEAR MAN can make it easier to speak up calmly and stay grounded in tough conversations and increase your effective interpersonal skills.

3. Validate — Yourself and Others

Validation doesn’t mean agreement; it means recognizing that emotions make sense given your experiences. Try saying to yourself, “It’s understandable that I feel this way given my past.” When you validate others, it helps reduce defensiveness and builds mutual respect.

4. Use Self-Soothing to Regulate

If emotions feel overwhelming, step back and calm your body first. Use grounding, deep breathing, or sensory comfort (like holding something soft or lighting a candle). Regulating your nervous system allows your thinking brain to come back online — essential for clear communication.

5. Remember: You Can Relearn Safety with Interpersonal Skills

Healing from trauma includes rebuilding trust — in yourself and others. DBT teaches that emotions are valid but not always facts. With practice, you can learn to stay connected, even when emotions run high.